AC in HD

When I said I had ADHD, I meant it.

Hi, again! It’s AC and it’s been more than a year since I launched my website. I know many of you are probably asking “why publish a website, post an introductory post, and forget about it for months?” Well, my dear readers, I have a two big excuses and let me tell you all about them.

First! I think it’s probably because of how my brain functions. When I first got diagnosed, my therapist explained that having ADHD means that my brain has a difficulty regulating attention – not because I am inattentive by choice, but because I naturally prefer high-dopamine tasks over boring ones.

For an ADHDer like me, this website was my sun and I, Icarus. You’ve probably heard about this analogy countless times already, and I agree, Icarus and The Sun is kinda one of the most overrated Greek tales there is BUT it’s the only way I could describe the situation. AC in HD was something that used to be unreachable dream, thus the journey towards its launch was a gold mine of untouched dopamine. I was, at that time, (sorry mom for the term) high on dopamine. However, once I reached the peak, all the energy dissipated and like Icarus, I got burnt. Burnt out, in this case.

I lost motivation. I stopped writing. Simple as that.

Then we go to Excuse No. 2: life happened.

Let’s not forget that it’s the new year! It’s 2026. (Hello, 15-month time skip!)

Oh, dear, a whole lot of things happened since I first posted here and I just kinda drifted along the waves of life and the past months have been so surreal.

At the start of 2025, I got my heart broken really bad – to the point I have decided to stop dating for a while. Yes, I suffered in silence and no tears were shed in front of anyone at that time. This was already the third time, and I realized that broken hearts didn’t really need fireworks for them to heal. Sometimes, they just need a little band aid, a whole lot of self love, and so many pages of poetry.

I also lost friends last year. Friends who once felt like family. One friendship was ended through a conversation which made me see how they looked at me as a person. It hurt knowing I used to have high regard for that person but the words thrown at me were knives through my chest and I decided to sever them out of my life. The other bridge was burned by betrayal and a web of lies. As most people know me, I hate lying and because of that, I hate being lied to even more. It’s sad to know that things between these people will never be the same anymore, but sometimes, it’s better to sever ties with those whom you cannot trust to protect your name when you’re not around.

Your peace of mind is more important than connections that are surface level.

The Law of Conservation of Matter says, matter is neither created nor destroyed, just converted from one form to another. I believe this is also true with people. The people you are meant to meet are neither created nor destroyed, just converted from one relationship to another like how strangers become friends and vice versa. Although I lost friends throughout the days, I also gained new ones with even more stronger bonds. Some I met at work, others during a painting session, and a few from events like weddings. I’m not exactly a social butterfly, so it’s kind of rare for me to connect with these people whom I’ve just met for the first time and share a good laugh with.

As I have said, so much has happened, but let’s just conclude my spontaneous, not-really-planned 2025 recap with the main highlight of my year.

TRAVEL.

Yep, I travelled a lot this year. And to places I have never been to before. There’s just something about going to new places that changes you as a person and I can’t seem to put a finger on it. Maybe it’s the exposure to new culture that makes you learn about so many things that opens your eyes to brand new possibilities. You’re the same person, just not with the same headspace. It’s as Alice says, the world becomes “curiouser and curiouser.”

I ended 2025 dressed as one of my pillows, drowning in my sheets and completely surrounded by family. Bed rot got to me, but I thought of it as recharging my energy for 2026. Indeed, I bid farewell to the past year with a grateful heart and said hello the new beginnings that lay ahead in the upcoming year.

So, there you have it. The reasons why I went radio silent these past months. Hopefully, this won’t be the last thing I post about before diving into another hiatus. Let’s all keep our fingers crossed I get to see you again at the soonest possible time. But, until then, stay safe!

P.S. Let me know how you were in the past year in the comments! I’m genuinely interested on how you guys were.